Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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