U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
