i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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