Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
