haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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