Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
