True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
