It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm always down for nudity.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
