I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
