ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
