1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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