I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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