I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
