her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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