he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
