Will you blow on my dice?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
