is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did i walk over a car last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
