i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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