when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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