You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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