addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
