so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize