The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
