i think my tv is drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
