I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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