I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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