he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
