i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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