please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
