He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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