im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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