currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
