I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
