i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
