I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
