I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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