some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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