dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
