He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
