Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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