Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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