Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize