I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
