Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
