iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
