I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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