I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then my night got REAL pukey
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
