she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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