just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
