You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
