It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize