You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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