Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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