sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize