I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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