How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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