Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
