I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
