If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize