Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
