Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
