you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
