I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I deserve this hangover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
