and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
