peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
