I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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