We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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