I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The air taste purple.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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